Who says all you need to do is to juggle?

That's what you read in papers, magazines whenever they interview a high-power woman, who's way up there in her career and has a family at the same time. ".. all you need to do is to juggle between your job and your family..."

That's pretty much bullshit, I say. It's never as easy as juggling. Juggling means you have one ball in one hand at one time, while some is in the air, waiting to land on your hand again. Juggling means there's a proper rhythm to when the ball's in the air, or in your hand. Juggling means you can see the ball and predict when it'll be in your hand.

Work & babies don't work that way. They can be right there, needing your fullest attention at the same time, tearing you into half mentally & physically. There's no rhythm whatsover, when it comes to a sick baby or a sick employee. They just pick their own sweet time to fall sick! And hell no, we can't predict what's coming up next when it comes to emergencies.

Sometimes I miss being just a full-time slugger at work. But then again, I won't trade having my cute little boy for anything in the world.

It's hard being a working mother. You feel guilty leaving your child at home & your heart breaks when you see him going to his nanny instead of you for comfort. You hate yourself for missing all the 'first-times' in his life. You wish you can be by his side all day long. But then leaving a newly set up business is totally out of the question when every little thing plays an important part in making the business a success. It's not easy to let your employee have a true sense of ownership in the business and to fight their assses to make it a success. Most of the times, we do need to be there.

And honestly, there isn't any easy way or simple formula on how to "jugle" work and family. Sometimes, you just need to work really hard on maintaining work and being there for your child. Sacrifices are a must when it comes to personal time and space. And accepting that often times, things will go crazy and totally out of control and that you just need to try your best to make it all OK. But at the same time, be grateful for the good that you come across, no matter how small they are, because, I think, that's the only thing that will keep you going.

To give or not to give?

It was never hard to answer the question everytime I saw a beggar back when I was younger, single & pretty much carefree.

But today, after almost an hour of driving, an old chinese-looking lady came up to the side of my car and held out a cup asking for a change. On reflex, I waved my hand and she walked away. 4 years ago, I'd drive away without a second thought, but today, somehow I felt a sudden pang of guilt. I can't stop stealing glances at her, wondering how old she is, where she came from, is she really Chinese, how did she end up begging?

And I felt like a mean, calculative person who's not willing to give Rp2,000 to this poor old lady!

Well, I've always believed that people should work for a living. And by giving a beggar, it won't improve his/her situation. It will only lead to more begging and noone's going to benefit by giving a beggar. Plus, I was told that these beggars are controlled by syndicates who'll collect their money at the end of the day. Hence, I never give.

But having met my now-husband, who always spare a change or two when a beggar comes up, I'm slowly getting used to the idea of giving a beggar. I started out opposing him whenever he wants to give, but he'll say 'It's just a few thousand Rupiahs...'. But slowly, I've stopped opposing him, although I'm still not for the whole idea of giving.

And now, a few years & a son later, the only time I ever gave a beggar was when I gave a banana & some bread (my tea snack) to a mother carrying her baby selling newspaper on the road. My heart went out for the poor baby and I decided to give her my food, telling her to feed her baby. Still, I didn't give any money as I didn't think it'll do her any good.

But today, I'm wondering if a little something is still better than nothing for them? If it's not really up for me to decide if the money I give will benefit them or not? If it's not my call to judge if they have other options except to beg? If I should give? Or not?

Let's do this!

OK! I'm finally surrendering to the urgent desire to write...

NO, I've still not figured out how I'm going to squeeze in time to write when I have barely enough time to sleep, read, exercise and play with my cute little baby.

YES, that would probably mean I'll sneak in writting during office hour when I should be thinking of how to make myself more money.

BUT YEAH, I'm goint to start writting again, so I won't forget about all the little things in life that people tend to forget when they feel like they're too busy doing important things.